Book excerpt 8

全部的你- 楊定一

無

我們每一個人無形當中都把"我"和"我的生命狀況"混淆了，變成同一件事。

沒有一個觀念，沒有一句話，沒有一個念頭，沒有一個定理，是完全成立，而且普世不破的…這是因為我們人本身所使用的邏輯，是在對的比較上所成立的，當然會有這種限制。 [所有見解都是邪見]

萎縮

對我們一般人來說，生命就是一個停不下來的強迫思考。

我們人，本來是單純﹑誠懇﹑爽快﹑舒暢的，就像放鬆的手。但是透過種種念頭和情緒，反而受到了萎縮。長期下來，我們就變成一個萎縮體，念著痛﹑不安﹑憂鬱﹑焦慮.... ，就像緊握不放的拳頭。

每一個瞬間，要或不要，都是兩難。兩難，不管怎麼解答，都會帶來萎縮，只是萎縮多少的問題。這麼說，我們的生活不可能不是萎縮。

這是因為一般人還落在「我」的境界，而這個「我」自然會去抓資訊、抓知識，甚至抓經驗。這些知識、經驗本身就是餵養「我」的養料。有些知識，「我」會接受。有些知識，「我」不接受，甚至反對。這些反應不只一直讓「我」存在，還可以強化「我」。我們人有時反彈和抵抗越大，把對方推向敵方，才讓「我」更能能夠生存。也就是說，反彈越大，「我」的觀念越強化。

我們仔細觀察，從早到晚，我們面對每一個人、每一件事、每一個東西、每一個狀況，我們會再加一層說明、解釋、評價、結論。比如說，我們在路上碰到一個人，接下來，念頭就不斷的開始飄——這個人上回在哪裏見過，他今天穿什麼衣服，他看來氣息不錯，他可能還會記得我們上次見面說了什麼？……就連一個很單純的東西，比如看到一棵樹，我們都會立即加上高、低、大、小、茂密、瘦弱、那一種樹……的描述，不放過任何一個貼標籤的機會。這是我們每個人從早上一張開眼，到睡覺前最後一個念頭，都離不開的不斷的歸納和分別。

我們每一個人本來一出生就已經對"不愉快"上癮了。我們雖然希望快樂﹑想要圓滿。但是腦本身造出了"我"，"我的投射"，這種架構本來就要靠著造出更多分裂﹑區隔﹑磨擦﹑對立，才可以生存。所以，我們每一個人不可能真的就這麼輕鬆放過自己，讓自己就永遠快樂。同樣，也不可能那麼輕鬆放過別人的。

但多數人，都認為自己才懂得愛，還因為身邊親愛的人沒有同樣的體會而心灰意冷。常常講別人不懂什麼是愛的人，自己反而要注意、要反省。反過來，只有愛自己。（包括全部制約組合的無常的我，再包括永恆無形無相的大我），才是永恆的愛。

努力，本身就是跟生命對立。

臣服

這符合宇宙最基本的運作法則-- 愈抵抗，愈真實；愈抵抗，愈延續。反過來說，不要抵抗，讓生命輕輕鬆鬆的存在。突然間，生命會變得友善，對我們友好。

最有意思的是，連大多數稱為修行人都人，依然在透過"動"，比如說努力的追求，在靜坐下功夫或苦修，想"作為"或"成為"聖人或是成道的人。

其實，我們從生出來到離開，不斷地活在"動"﹑"成為"的前景，反而忽略掉了更重要的—"不做"，也就是輕輕鬆鬆的存在。

任何東西(例如說"注意力")，濃縮到一個點上，不斷地縮小﹑不斷地集中，直到一個極限的地步，自然就跳出了時空。

這個瞬間要透過讓步﹑放棄﹑臣服﹑容納﹑ 不做…所找回來的。

我們不妨試試看，在這時候，就接受"自己沒辦法接受"吧。容納自己認為不可能容納的。甚至，接受這個抵抗﹑接受內心的反彈—"OK，反正我作不到"。... 這麼做，會發現原本很大的情緒起伏，頓時平緩了許多。

我選擇這個瞬間。

而我只可能選擇這個瞬間。

讓我自由選擇，我還是只會選擇這個瞬間。

醒覺

醒覺後，自然會發現，人間是瘋狂的。是在一個無意識的昏迷當中。但是，我這裏還是要強調，就算如此，人間有人更可愛的部份。所以，一個人就是醒覺過來，也只能勇敢地走下去，順應着這個人間的舞台來演變。也可以完成一些任務。但是，再也不會被這個世界帶走了。

修行離不開念頭的死亡。我們也就可以理解，為什麼一般人會想要很刺激、很冒險的極端經驗。比如說鬼屋、高空彈跳、雲霄飛車，可以讓人達到同樣的無私狀態，從人間跳出來。也就是達到念頭死亡的境界。當然，也有人會想用酒精和藥物來達到同樣的無思。

一個人只要平安，生命就已經脫胎換骨。命運也轉變了。之前所面對的種種不順的事，透過內心的寧靜，再加上外在的平安，自然會發現——生命順和不順，都還是念頭所帶出來的。活在每一個瞬間，沒有什麼叫作順或不順。奇妙的是，這樣展現對每一個瞬間。突然，外在的生命也就順了。甚至，連順不順，我們也不再追求了。瞬間和瞬間當中，只剩下平安。

找到空檔，我們接下來對人生也就自然看開，對任何念頭也不會那麼重視。甚至，對人生也不會再有什麼期待。同時會發現，生命不需要承擔任何責任，也不需要呈現任何樣子。相對的，別人也不用對我們承擔任何責任，也不用呈現任何我們要求的樣子。其實，我們的要求也不見得合理，還離不開我們主觀的期待。講白一點，我們管不了那麼多的。要管的，也不見得重要或合理。任何「管」，也。還只是反映「我」帶來的一個大妄想。

進入到瞬間，「這裏！現在！」，自然讓我們每一個細胞、每一個部位、每一個角落，達到跟生命最完整的共振。只有透過生命所帶來的喜樂，我們才可以把身心內的每一個障礙或結，震動開來。也只有透過它，我們才可以把身體每一個脈輪打通。每一個脈輪打開的過程，會讓喜樂再更加倍，甚至會大到佔領我們所有的意識。

人生最大的目的，是作為橋梁，連通兩個世界—有形有相的世界，以及無形無相的世界。

我們認為在幫助其他生命，這本身就是一個大妄想。是站在一個「我」的觀念去歸納、分別好壞、生存不生存而來的。先找回自己，醒覺，比較踏實。醒覺後，該怎麼做會清楚的。任何「做」，因為從內心最寧靜中出發，它本身就會創造，會友善，對人類的展現就會有直接的影響。有趣的是，即使不做、不動，一個醒覺的人的生命場，也都可以轉變這個世界了。這麼說，我們人生活着最大的目的，也只是輕輕鬆鬆讓這宇宙的光明照進來吧。不要對它或任何形式在生出任何抵抗，也就完成這個大任務了。

什麼都不知道，我每一步都是最後一步。

什麼都不知道，我的心突然寧靜了。沒有雜亂或煩惱好談的。

什麼都不知道，我就可以輕輕鬆鬆地看着人間，並體會到一切人間的變化。什麼都不知道，我可以輕輕鬆鬆地決定不再理會它，不再參與這個遊戲。

什麼都不知道，生命跟我也不再分離了。

The Wise Heart - Jack Kornfield

The universe if made of stories, not atoms. - Muriel Eukeyser

Thoughts make a good servant, but a poor master.

Grasping and clinging arise from the delusion of scarcity, an inability to sense our wholeness and life's abundance. Aversion and hatred arise from a misguided search for security, from the mistaken belief that hatred can make us safer. And at the root of delusion itself is the illusion of a separate, limited sense of self.

To call a thing good not a day longer than it appears to us good, and above all not a day earlier - that is the only way to keep joy pure - Nietzsche

Speak with kindly motivation. Speak what is true and helpful, speak in due season and to the benefit of all. - The Buddha

The problem with the world is that we draw our family circle too small. - Mother Teresa

May I be a guard for those who need protection
A guide for those on the path

A boat, a raft, a bridge for those who wish to cross the flood

May I be a lamp in the darkness

A resting place for the weary

A healing medicine for all who are sick

A vase of plenty, a tree of miracles

And for the boundless multitudes of living beings

May I bring sustenance and awakening

Enduring like the earth and sky

Until all beings are freed from sorrow

And all are awakened

- Sage Shantideva

There is no separation between inner and outer, self and other. Tending ourselves, we tend the world. Tending the world, we tend ourselves.

If you want to live a life of balance, start now. Turn off the news, meditate, turn on Mozart, walk through the trees or the mountains, and begin to make yourself a zone of peace. When I return from a long retreat or from traveling for months, I'm amazed that the news is pretty much the same as when I left. We already know the plot, we know the problems. Let go of the latest current story. Listen more deeply.

The world does not need more oil or energy or food. It needs less greed, less hatred, less ignorance.

Seeing misery in those who cling to views, a wise person should not adopt any of them. A wise person does not by opinions become arrogant. How could anyone bother those who are free, who do not grasp at any views? But those who grasp after views and opinions wander about the world annoying people. - Buddha

The natural flow of these awakened qualities comes from inner peace. When conciousness is peaceful and open, we rest in equanimity. As our peaceful heart meets other beings, it fills with love. When this love meets pain, it transforms itself naturally into compassion. And when this same openhearted love meets happiness, it becomes joy. In this way, the radiant abodes spontaneously reflect and connect the whole of the world.

The Prophet - Khalil Gibran

Giving

For what are your possessions but things you keep and guard for fear you may need them tomorrow?...

And what is fear of need but need itself?

Is not dread of thirst when your well is full, thirst that is unquenchable?...

You often say, 'I would give, but only to the deserving.'

The trees in your orchard say not so, nor the flocks in your pasture.

They give that they may live, for to withhold is to perish.

Surely he who is worthy to receive his days and his nights is worthy of all else from you. And he who has deserved to fill his cup from your little stream...

See first that you yourself deserve to be a giver, and an instrument of giving.

For in truth it is life that gives unto life -- while you, who deem yourself a giver, are but a witness.

Joy and Sorrow

Your joy is your sorrow unmasked.

And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears.

And how else can it be?

The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.

Is not the cup that holds your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter's oven?

And is not the lute that soothes your spirit, the very wood that was hollowed with knives?

When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy.

When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.

Some of you say, ''Joy is greater than sorrow,'' and others say, ''Nay, sorrow is the greater.''

But I say unto you, they are inseparable.

Together they come, and when one sits alone with you at your board, remember that the other is asleep upon your bed.

Houses

...Or have you only comfort, and the lust for comfort, that stealthy thing that enters the house as a guest, and becomes a host, and then a master?

... Verily the lust for comfort murders the passion of the soul, and then walks grinning in the funeral.

But you, children of space, you restless in rest, you shall not be trapped nor tamed.

Your house shall be not an anchor but a mast.

It shall not be a glistening film that covers a wound, but an eyelid that guards the eye.

You shall not fold your wings that you may pass through doors, nor bend your heads that they strike not against a ceiling, nor fear to breathe lest walls should crack and fall down.

...For that which is boundless in you abides in the mansion of the sky, whose door is the morning mist, and whose windows are the songs and the silences of the night.

Crime and Punishment

Oftentimes have I heard you speak of one who commits a wrong as though he were not one of you, but a stranger unto you and an intruder upon your world.

But I say that even as the holy and the righteous cannot rise beyond the highest which is in each one of you,

So the wicked and the weak cannot fall lower than the lowest which is in you also.

And as a single leaf turns not yellow but with the silent knowledge of the whole tree,

So teh wrong-doer cannot do wrong without the hidden will of you all.

Like a possession you walk together towards your god-self.

You are the way and the wayfarers.

And when one of you falls down he falls for those behind him, a caution against the stumbling stong.

Ay, and he falls for those ahead of him, who though faster and surer of foot, yet removed not the stumbling stong.

Pain

Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding.

Even as the stone of the fruit must break, that its heart may stand in the sun, so must you know pain.

And could you keep your heart in wonder at the daily miracles of your life, your pain would not seem less wondrous than your joy;

And you would accept the seasons of your heart, even as you have always accepted the seasons that pass over your fields.

And you would watch with serenity through the winters of your grief.

Book excerpt 7

 An Infinity of Worlds - Cosmic inflation and the beginning of the universe by Will Kinney

On dark energy

Nonzero vacuum energy, or something very much like it, would neatly explain the observd cosmic acceleration as well as a number of otherwise difficult to explain features of the observed universe... The current evidence for the existence of dark energy is overwhelming and comes from multiple independent sources.

Since the energy is contained in the empty space itself, dark energy does not dilute in density at all, and the total amount of dark energy in the box increases as the box expands... you can create energy out of nothing by creating more empty space inside since nothing flows across the boundary of the expanding box in the process.

On quantum uncertainty and virtual particles

Consider a hydrogen atom - an electron in orbit around a proton... Maxwell's laws of electromagnetism implied that the moving electron would radiate, losing energy in the process, and spiral into the proton. Quantum uncertainty prevents this; the closer we squeeze the electron to the proton at the center of the atom, the higher the uncertainty in its momentum, which carries the electron away again.

Imagine a microscope of hypothetically infinite magnifying power; as you use the microscope to probe shorter and shorter distance scales, the associated uncertainty in momentum (and therefore energy) becomes larger and larger, eventually exceeding the mass (via E=mc2) of the Higgs boson, or any other particle in the standard model. Once the uncertainty in energy exceeds the threshold of twice the particle mass, it becomes possible to create-out of nothing-a particle/antiparticle pair. These quantum fluctuations of the vacuum are know as virtual particles. Even a perfect vacuum is not empty but instead is populated, via quantum uncertainty, with an infinite depth of virtual objects, whose existence only becomes definite when probed at sufficiently short distances or (equivalently) high energy.

... the quantum mechanical definition of empty space is observer dependent. The simplest example of this (although not the first discovered) is the Unruh effect, proposed by William Unruh in 1976. Unruh showed that an observer in an accelerated reference frame in a vacuum would observe virtual particles as real ones in a thermal distribution with finite temperature. All inertial (i.e. unaccelerated) observers agree on the definition of a vacuum, but noninertial observers do not. Similarly in the case of a black hole, it is impossible to define what you mean by a vacuum everywhere in space at once. A "vacuum" as defined by an observer near the event horizon of a black hole appears to be a source of radiation to an observer looking down on the black hole from a distance. Likewise, what appears to be empty space to one observer in an inflating space-time is no longer empty from the view of another observer, outside that observer's cosmic horizon.

...quantum uncertainty tells us that localizing any system in a radius smaller than the Planck length will immediately form a microscopic black hole.

On multiverse

This is a curious state of affairs; in constructing a picture of the early universe that explains its current observed properties, we find that almost any model results in the prediction that inflation runs out of control forever into the future and there should be an infinite number of universes like our own, embedded in a larger, eternally self-reproducing inflationary space-time.

An analogy to the eternally inflating universe is bubbles in a glass of beer: each bubble in the beer is a universe like our own, with the edge of the bubble universe expanding outward at the speed of light. In between bubbles is vacuum-dominated, inflating space, expanding exponentially and pulling the bubble universes apart from one another faster than the speed of light.

Remarkably, each bubble universe like our own appears finite to an outside observer, but appears infinite to an observer (like us) inside the bubble. We see the "wall" of the bubble not as a boundary in space but rather as a boundary in time - the moment in our past when eternal inflation ended and classical evolution commenced.

Physio 仲識講D咩野系列

1. 我唔同意[另一個physio/脊醫/中醫/其他治療師]既講法。

2. [e.g. IT band 緊/ 腰over arch]呢樣嘢好common。(Common 唔代表我唔痛)

3. 你呢度要搵人搞搞佢喎。(我咪俾緊錢你幫我搞囉)

4. 呢度你個physio 冇幫你搞咩。

5. 10分痛有冇4分丫？冇就繼續做[運動]。

6. [第二次去睇]我﹕仲係好痛。

physio: 係冇咁快好架。

7. 坐最好唔好多過半個鐘至一個鐘。(咁唔駛返工睇戲食飯搭飛機啦)

我的復健筆記

這是一個由我的肌力跌至谷底，盤骨移位再加上脊柱側彎導致左右兩邊全身肌肉嚴重不平衡﹐睇左不下30個不同科的specialist (骨科﹑GP﹑physio﹑中醫﹑脊醫﹑personal trainer等等)，綜合各個專門的意見，到現在慢慢train 返D肌肉，用我自己的body實測的復康筆記。

關於core同收肚腩

Core/核心肌肉有分廣義同狹義。狹義是指最深層負責呼吸同保持腰椎穩定的幾組肌肉。上方橫膈膜(diaphragm)、前方腹橫肌(transverse abdominis muscle)、後方多裂肌(multifidus muscle)以及下方骨盆底肌(pelvic floor muscles)。腹橫肌好似一個天然腰封咁保護條腰。做以下的mucsle training又好cardio又好pilates yoga都好，做動作時感覺到呢個腰封用緊力去穩定身體是重中之重。

腰封肌VS腹肌

好多時去做physio 或者PT佢會叫你收埋個肚腩，目的是要engage個core。又或者做訓係度的動作時條腰要貼哂地板去保護條腰唔好拗。其實初學者(好似我)好容易會誤會用左腹直肌(rectus abdominis, 即係六舊腹肌)去武力壓條腰向後方。雖然腹直肌都係廣義核心肌肉的一員，大部分人都要鍛練，但係stabilization靠的是腹橫肌(腰封)。腰封收緊左條腰就係一個最自然的狀態(neutral spine)。所以做鍛練時務必要感覺到用腰封肌肉，這個時候比較瘦的人腰和地板有少少空隙是正常的，但也必定要小心冇力的時候不要拗了腰。

做咩muscle training對core好

最latest physio界別公認練core安全的pose，由淺入深有﹕

• Bridge
• Deadbug / Supine 90/90
• Birddog
• Plank

千祈唔好做Superman同Sit-up / Crunches，好傷腰。

有兩點係重中之重，做唔到不如唔好做﹕

- Alignment一定要準確，例如做birddog個torso要好似一個長方形平平穩穩唔可以郁，pat pat 唔可以西埋一邊。自己睇唔到要屋企人幫手睇。

- 如果做上面的動作感覺唔到個腰封用力，咁就要諗下方法去activate佢先。

最近physio好興叫大家練用橫隔膜呼吸。因為大部分人都用頸呼吸，令肩頸長期緊同痛。用橫隔膜呼吸是練core的基本，因為呼吸用到腹腔最深層的肌肉exactly就係最核心的core。所以正確的呼吸係activate core的其中一個方法。橫隔膜呼吸我個人所得有幾個要點﹕

- 膊頭唔好升起﹑不要感到肩頸或後腰痠痛

- 近肋骨底部/腰最幼的位置要前後左右360咁擴張和收縮, 擴張時要比不用力時闊(好似肚係一個氣球要吹大佢咁)﹑收縮時要比平時窄

- 可以先躺下練習再坐起身練

做咩cardio運動對core好

Physio成日叫人去游水或者踩單車，同埋做bridge個D動作。佢地最大個盲點係冇負重運動。大部分城市人都唔夠肌肉，冇負重運動根本追唔上日常生活的要求﹑更遑論抗老化。爆發性的肌肉例如pat pat的大肌肉羣一唔用就退化得好快，但佢地亦有保護腰椎好重要的角色 - pat pat唔夠力便由附近的腰肌肉去代償坐底起身的動作。

所謂的負重運動即是身體承受比體重大的重量。除了做personal training / weight training 去gym房舉鐵之外，其實任何跑跳的動作都可以。打足球籃球絕對是超負重但極易受傷所以不推介。

總括而言，對腰痛/坐骨神經痛好而比較人畜無害的cardio有﹕

• 游水 (在腰椎不受壓的無重狀態下鍛練肌肉)
• 跑步 - 慢跑最多15分鐘 (如果不能跑才開合跳或快行) (強度最低的負重運動)

不能跑太快是因為慢跑對core stability要求更高，不能跑太久是因為我們是要那一點點的負重，不是要練氣/心肺，在肌肉和alignment狀態未完善下跑太久會傷。

我認識很多朋友，包括以前的我在內，都不喜歡跑步。因為跑步會全身唔舒服﹑痕。跟其他運動例如跳芭蕾舞不同，人體是有design到可以跑步的。以前我連十分鐘都跑唔到是身體有問題。脊醫同physio整返好個alignment之後就可以漸漸慢跑十分鐘(希望之後更多)。

很多人以為有用的偽運動有﹕

普通速行X
行樓梯X
行山X

因為大部份人肌肉都有無力﹑不平衡﹑代償的問題，在這個不健康的狀態下不先針對改善而長時間做這些不但不增肌還是勞損型的偽運動，只會越做越差。

我在做physio/pilates之後才知道行樓梯/上斜身體的alignment是非常有學問的﹕

- 上樓梯時盤骨同腰椎要穩定的話，要臀中肌(Gluteus Medius, 大腿外側)for stability，另外臀大肌(Glute Max, pat pat)同hamstring發力去推個人上去

- 呢堆肌肉在坐得多的人身上都冇力，所以身體的代償就是左右擺動腰同盤骨，並用大腿前面的肌肉去發力

-腰同盤骨唔係design俾你咁樣擺動，導致腰過勞和盤骨移位

在我未學好pilates之前原來每一次上樓梯都在奴役我條可憐的腰(哭)。

關於Pilates

腹橫肌(腰封), pelvic floor同橫隔膜因為好深層，同埋大家習慣左錯的呼吸方法﹑又冇用呢D肌肉幾廿年，所以好難activate。除了以上練呼及的方法(好多physio都教但係我覺得好難)，另一個快D的方法是equipment pilates。

我聽得最多的問題係pilates同yoga係咪唔同。我會答係好似跆拳道同太極咁啦。Pilates係design for 復健的，yoga係design俾你可以成日坐係度打坐的。

Pilates有兩種﹕mat pilates同equipment pilates。我個人覺得mat pilates係垃圾。佢D動作要個core好勁先用岩D muscles，但係我core咁勁又駛乜做pilates者。Equipment pilates d equipment 有reformer, chair等等，如果有痛症既最好要1對1上堂，因為要有效做動作個alignment比一切都重要。所以就算group class都係頂多3-5個人。

我未做都覺得駛唔駛咁多架撐咁大陣象咁fancy。不過我做第一堂，我大腿內側同hamstring痛左三整日。原來真係activate到我冇用幾廿年的肌肉。做完我發現自己上樓梯同單腳企個發力唔同左。

拉筋和flexibility

呢十幾年來好興Yoga。長者亦好鍾意拉筋同show off自己掂到腳趾﹑抬腳有多高。其實yoga﹑拉筋對大部份人的痛症一點幫助也沒有。因為除了運動員之外，城市人的痛症都是因為缺乏肌肉造成，到年老肌肉退化問題更嚴重。大家感到肌肉緊和痛，其實係因為佢太弱或者代償左其他肌肉而過勞。所以拉佢不但無補於事，更加可能越拉越差。

同埋做yoga其實8成人都做錯姿勢/用錯力。本來想拉的肌肉拉唔到，想練的肌肉又練唔到，最後只在奴役本來已經過勞的代償肌肉和關節。

做yoga的拉筋大多是比較大動作而欠精準。例如upward facing dog拉的是由胸至大腿所有肌肉(仲順便考驗埋臂力)。大部分人都是上背/胸比較緊，腹肌冇力所以鬆，所以做呢個動作只是全用肚去做個弧度出黎，一D都拉唔到要拉的前胸同hip flexor。拿拉開前胸來說doorway pec stretch 同hands behind the back都是比較精準physio教的胸肌stretch。精準地拉開不良姿勢導致短和緊的肌肉對overall肌肉訓練很重要，例如緊的胸肌會令背肌不能發力，導致駝背和腰痛。

關於痛症和不同科的specialist

我這近兩年的痛症期間有無數人介紹不同的specialist給我說很有效，甚麼運動治療師﹑肌肉專科的西醫，我聽過未聽過的都睇過。他們都是朋友親身實證有用的。但是很多時候對我一點都沒有效果，甚至更差。我自己覺得有效的脊醫卻令我介紹去的朋友情況差了。得出的結論是人體實在太奧妙了，根本沒有一個專科是可以有full picture每一個人痛症的root cause是甚麼，亦沒有一套方法是可以用在所有人身上都有效。就算是坐骨神經痛已經有幾個大原因導致，而針對每一個這些原因各specialist都有五花八門的技倆，而可以繼續存活到今日的應該在某些人身上是work的。所以不要氣餒，要一直試不同的specialist。如果一種方法在你身上是有效的話，應該在兩個星期以內會感覺到或多或少的改善。如果一個月還是沒有用的話便不用回頭了。而且就算最初有效的方法，到可能~50%時候會有瓶頸。這可能是它雖然改善了症狀，可是未必是address緊個root cause。這時候也不怕試試其他specialist。

可幸的是身邊的人的痛症和我上forum看的post，每個人最後都搵到岩自己的方法好返。我諗只要夠痛就會不惜時間工本找方法醫好它吧？

很有趣的，我見過的specialist中有的識斷症但係唔識醫，有的唔識斷症但係識醫，當然最多是唔知我咩事亦唔識醫(所有骨科)。例如有個中醫同肌肉專科西醫講得出我最大的問題是盤骨移位，但是中醫叫我做butterfly stretch而個西醫叫我戴腰封都令我情況更差。而有一個幫我做運動的physio講黎講去都唔知我咩事，但係合埋眼做core exercise練對發力時的alignment 就自自然然會慢慢好。最後都係要睇效果。

關於physio

Physio 是我見過的specialist之中在一個名目之下最多元化的類別。Physio只是佢讀左D理論課程同埋睇佢你有得claim保險的意思。physio套理論層面可能大同小異，但係佢醫你套方法可以由傳統幫你用機電兩野按兩野教你返屋企做幾個動作，到拔罐針灸﹑pilates﹑神經動能療法乜都有。

我發現睇physio有兩大類人﹕運動員同因缺乏運動而有痛症的人。不難想像這兩類人如果有同一個symptom，對應的方法都可以好唔同。而大多數physio都專攻一套方法，可能是比較適用於運動員，例如要鬆某一組肌肉或者令大腦同肌肉的神經連繫上便可。但這些physio的方法很大機會對欠缺運動者是完全沒有幫助。少運動的痛症人必須找到強調做運動鍛鍊的specialist。

舉一個例子﹕梨狀肌症候羣(piriformis syndrome)。傳統的physio是邊度痛/緊就鬆邊度，所以會鬆梨狀肌，也會順道強化一下臀部肌肉都幫輕一下梨狀肌。可是我們不是舞蹈運動員，我們只是坐得多的城市人，梨狀肌緊是因為它太弱，所以根本不用也不應該拉鬆它，而是做clam式去鍛練它。某些比較與時並進的physio開始懂得針對城市人特徵而改變他們的strategy，但最傳統的不是這樣教的。

又一個例子﹕阿基里斯跟腱病(Achilles tendonitis)。傳統physio話係因為小腿緊所以拉扯到連住的阿基里斯筋，所以要拉小腿同埋練小腿肌肉。佢地會話你坐得多，一日都冇行幾千步，小腿都唔夠力架啦(多過一個specialist咁同我講)。但係其實大部份坐得多缺運動的人，整體來看是臀部和hamstring冇力，hamstring緊，所以小腿和阿基里斯筋承受了所有workload。所以很多人少運動但是小腿會粗是這個原因。有些運動治療的physio會測試你的hamstring力度和小腿力度，就很明顯知道是hamstring不給力。所以小腿是要拉，但不要再奴伇它了。要練的是hamstring和順道臀部肌肉。

[點解我會知以上兩個syndrome 在城市人身上有咩特徵？因為我條腰/盤骨真係trigger到我周身都痛囉﹗]

有骨科醫生跟我說，要看physio，但如果沒有效就一定要轉，轉到岩自己為止。也有GP(以前在公立醫院做骨科的)跟我說，你不嫌看physio浪費時間的話可以看的(!)

關於骨科醫生

講完physio講骨科，我都睇過3個。MRI隔左8個月都照左2次，呢段時間我由冇神經痛radiate落隻腳去到全個下半身都痛。D骨科都係話睇片我係冇事亦都冇得做手術。最後個骨科竟然同我講﹕有啲痛症係冇原因既。自此我都唔想睇骨科。

其實第一個骨科同好多physio都留意到我盤骨兩邊唔平均。不過佢地都話好多人都係咁，冇問題既。我發現在傳統西醫(骨科和physio)的世界盤骨移位唔係問題。呢個可能冇錯，但係所有imbalance都depends on 程度吧。在脊醫的世界盤骨移位是天大的事，會令到全身痛(唔係嚇你)。我個case就係盤骨鬆左移位加先天脊柱側彎再加COVID冇運動導致左右肌肉嚴重不平衡，真係全身都24/7都痛。所以我好responsive to 脊醫個method，睇左幾次好左50%。

所以結論都係人體係博大精深到一個點係真係冇可能只係睇西醫。我以前都係只信西醫。後來我感冒後氣管敏感咳得太厲害，有一晚每個鐘咳醒一次完全訓唔到，差D變左哮喘，就開始轉睇左一個同我好夾的中醫，我自始就冇感冒後的喘咳了。D西醫成日妖魔化脊醫。我都俾佢地洗腦到好驚睇脊醫。但今次又再一次俾我見到西醫的limitation。

Book Excerpt 6

 芬芳貝葉 - 一行禪師

生命在耐心地等待真正的勇士。如果那些一心想成為勇士的人還沒有找到真正的自己就去做勇士，就很危險。有志成為勇士的人在沒找到自己之前，會冒險以世間的'武器' -- 金錢﹑名譽及權力去'打仗'。但這些武器無法保護他們的內在世界。由於恐懼和不安全感，未成熟的勇士總是讓自己忙忙碌碌。然而，不停的忙碌帶來的破壞力超過原子彈，也會像鴉片一樣令人上癮。它使靈性生命變得空虛。對假勇士而言，'打仗'比面對自己心靈的空虛更容易。他們或許會埋怨沒有時間休息，事實是，即使給他們時間休息，他們也不懂怎樣休息。現代人不懂得休息，如果有空閒的時間，他們會做無數事情來分散精力。有些人甚至無法忍受數分鐘的空閒，他們在短暫的空閒時間打開電視或拿起報紙，什麼內容都看，連廣告也不放過。他們持續需要有東西看﹑聽﹑說，以餵養腦袋，掩蓋內在的內虛。

20/1/1963 New York

佛陀之心 - 一行禪師

第二種食是觸食。我們的眼﹑耳﹑鼻﹑舌﹑身﹑意六根，不斷地接觸感官對象(六塵)，這些接觸便成為意識的糧食。當我們開車行經一座城市時，我們的雙眼看到這麼多的廣告招牌，這些影像進入意識；當我們拿起一本雜誌，其中的文章、廣告也餵養著我們的意識。其中有些廣告會刺激我們對財物、性與食物的貪愛，這些廣告是有毒的；假如我們在看報紙、聽新聞或交談後感到焦慮或疲憊不堪，我們就知道自己剛剛接觸過毒素了。

第二聖諦的第三階段可描述為'饑來喫飯, 困來即眠'。若能體證此階段，即有某種程度的輕快與自在，你想做的一切都會完全符合'正念學處'，不會做出任何傷害自己或他人的事。孔子說﹕'吾三十而立，四十而不惑，五十而知天命，六十而從心所欲不踰矩。'禪宗'十牛圖'的最後一圖為'入廛垂手'(空手進入市集)，你可隨意地自由來去，這就是'非行動的行動'；

一切見解都是邪見。未曾有一種見解就是真理本身，任何見解都基於某個立足點。

與正思惟相關的四個練習﹕

1. 你確定嗎？

2. 我正在做甚麼？

3. 嗨﹗習氣

4. 菩提心

正念就如同母親，孩子可愛時，她愛孩子，而當孩子哭泣時，她的慈愛也不曾稍減。... 一旦母親照顧懷中哭泣的孩子，多少能減輕孩子的難愛；當我們以正念擁抱瞋怒時，立刻就能減輕自己的苦。

了解無常能帶給我們信心﹑安詳與喜悅。無常未必導致苦，但若沒有無常，則不可能有生命；如果沒有無常，你的女兒就不可能長成亭亭玉女的少女；如果沒有無常，專制暴虐的政權就永遠無法改變。我們總以為無常會帶來苦，佛陀以譬喻說明這情形﹕就如狗被石頭擊中，而對石頭生氣一樣。讓人受苦的不是無常，而是我們對並非恒常的事物，卻想要它們能恒常不變的渴望。

引用《清淨道論》來修行慈觀，平衡地坐著，讓肉體和呼吸都平靜下來，念﹕「願我的身心和諧﹑快樂﹑輕鬆。願我安詳﹑不受傷害。願我了脫憤怒﹑痛苦﹑恐懼﹑焦躁。」

心耕細作導吾心(II)

媽媽告訴我：『你不要吃我這些藍絲煮的飯』」Jessica 十八歲

「我只是說了一句：『不好意思遲到了，剛才地鐵被人搞到好擠塞』

之後整晚再沒有人跟我講說話。 -廣樂，55歲

輔導員執筆的時間是 2020 年春節前夕，回想過去半年，社會事件衝擊著

香港每一個角落，來接受輔導的人士無一倖免，社會運動總會成為他們故事

的背景，甚至是他們困擾的主因。本文章目的不是發表政見，亦並非時事評

政治問題固然政治解決，然而在輔導室裹，筆者經歷最多的是分化和撕

裂，故此希望以輔導員的角度，從人性和內心世界為出發點，讓大家從自己

開始，與身邊的人爭取多一分共鳴，少一分撕裂，自己香港，自己修補

一位母親告訴我，她認定兒子有收錢去進行破壞，乍聽之下，有人的

反廳是 「腦殘」、「不如我給你幾千元去被人扑爆頭！」。筆者作為輔導員

見證著每個看法的背夜，都有一個故事。背後的故事其實是該女士的丈夫離

世後，她要獨力帶著兩個孩子，經歷過「無錢萬萬不能」的困境，見盡人情

冷暖，深信人性是見利忘義的，現實是殘酷的

有來訪者告訴我，他會幻想殺警察，乍聽之下，有人的反應是破口大罵

說這是 「冷血、精神病」。背後的故事卻是這位男生自小受母親瘋狂虐打，

令他對權威敢怒不敢言，雖然討厭不公平，但是害怕與人正面衝突，凡事以

红譜為上，無論對警察和政權有百般的不滿和憤恨，只能夠在幻想中解決對

。

又有一些來訪者告訴我，見到公眾設施受破壞，他悲痛不已，乍聽之下

有人的反感是「道麼關心死物，墮樓浮屍又怎樣！，背後的故事是他絕歷

了五六十年代香港的貧困，七八十年代的耕耘，眼的的物件並不是死物，而

是幾代人努力的象徵；被破壞的不是物件，而是得來不易的平安

無論是所謂的「黃絲」或「藍絲」，很多時人的共通點就是想見到自己

想見的東西，想聽到自己想聽的說話，這就是人性，也是「我執」的表現。

面對大是大非，人固然有議事論事、抒發己見的自由，可惜社會運動發展至

今，大家或因執著，或因堅持己見，或因仇恨，不少人拒絕溝通，放棄理解

已經對無數關係造成分化撕裂。

例如，從來訪者當中聽到：「手足不是『condom』 …」這一句，我聽

到的是恐懼被離棄，抗拒被人利用，那感受就好像一位任勞任怨的老伙記

到頭來被老關請吃「無情雞」一樣。又例如聆聽「點解要搞搞震？」這一句，

我聽到的是珍惜現在所擁有的一切，不想努力的成果受破壞，就好像有人擅

自幫你更新智能手機，不幸資料大清洗，令你徹底失去相片、聯絡人和對話

紀錄

從上述表面見到的是大家立場的對立，然而内心的需要卻可以讓人產生

共鳴。例如「手足不是『condom』••」的背後核心需要可能是對「被遺棄

(abandonment 的恐懼」，如長輩聽到年輕人說「未來沒有你的份兒」，

不就是同一個滋味？又例如老一輩疑問「點解要搞搞震？」的內裹核心需要，

可能是對「失去 （lost) 的失落」，這正如「黄絲」目睹香港的自由和法治逐漸地消失，不也是同一番感受嗎？如能產生共鳴就可找到大家的共通點，這是

阻止仇恨蔓延的防火帶，當人願意深一層體會「自己人」和「對家」之間其

實存在共通點，便會更容易減退敵我的觀念，多一份作為人的基本尊重，如

此，轉化已不經意地發生了，取代了敵對的立場及情緒。能夠將心比己地看

待別人的言論，更可避免墮入「預設對方懷有惡意」的陷阱，減少上網上線

和「諗多咗 的機會。

慈山寺後感

慈山寺除了難book之外，另一個我去之前好concern既就係交通。唔係的士就淨係得幾架15-20分鐘一班既綠van。大部分要由慈山寺行15分鐘出返大路先有得搭。如果要搭直到慈山寺的20T就要30分鐘一班。老公話到時先再算，真係冇車咪call 的士。

當日差唔多參學完，大約4點度。咁我地明知道20T要30分鐘一班，未到4點應該要決定搭4點定4:30，費事去等30分鐘。老公就施施然完全唔理時間咁。我本住一場黎到慈山寺唔可以發脾氣由得佢。結果我地係完美無暇咁目送4點班車走。不過原來完全冇關係。因為4:30班車已經有12個人排緊隊。我地4點去到排第13,14個，已經只係淨返兩個位。冇發老公脾氣係啱既。

4:10 - 有一個9個人的團體黎等車。職員話4:30班車得2個位，問佢地拆唔拆兩個人出黎坐，唔坐就會俾其他人。佢地話唔拆，要等50分鐘等5:00班車。

4:15 - 有兩個講普通話的女孩子來等車。職員解釋話後面9個人唔拆佢地先有得搭4:30班車，她們說噢太感謝了啊。4:30班車就有16個人full左。

4:20 - 有個6個人的團體來等車，5:00班車有15個人基本full左。之後來的都是起碼兩個人的團體。因為5:00鐘的是尾班車，即日20T滿額。

於是廿幾個人全部係度duk手機等自己allot要等車的時間-由20-50分鐘不等。

4:20-4:29 - 有N個團體從寺內出來，都被職員趕走了。要出門口call 的士或者行15分鐘出去大路等嗰啲15-20分鐘一架的綠van仲要可能滿座。其實睇返20T既schedule, 4:30一班﹑5:00先尾班車，呢個時間出黎的人其實理論上幾安全，但係都冇得搭。

4:29 - 4:30班車黎到。竟然係一架19座綠van!!!!!! 於是突然如此珍貴的20T座位無端端多左3個位。職員趕忙問等5:00車的團體有沒有人想拆出黎搭。那當然沒有。這個關鍵時候，有一對後生男女施施然不知狀況地由寺內拖著手出來。職員急忙問他們是不是要搭車。他們一副完全矇瞳的表情也不知道自己是有多幸運。我跟老公說他們實在太好彩了吧。前面的女士也在說同樣的話。後面的女生也說他們也實在太好運氣了吧(普通話)。車駛出寺門口，見到許多剛剛被職員趕出去自己搵車搭的人。

我覺得啦，臨走佛陀也要教我一課。究竟係幾星連珠他們才可以不用等一分鐘便搭上這一班許多人要等20-50分鐘，甚至連等的機會也沒有的20T?

1. 5:00班車是9+6兩個團體，如果他們可以拆出來，後生男女也要等半個鐘。

2. 黎左架19座

3. 佢剛剛來的時間，早一點已被職員趕走，晚一點4:30車已經開走

因為我感受至深，老公後來說，其實塞翁失馬焉知非福。可能後生男女早左返到屋企，遇到一D原本可以避過的不好的事。好起雞皮。我說，如果咁九星連珠強大的手推佢地去呢一個遭遇，佢地點都避唔過啦。不過佢地當日隔住口罩都睇得出氣色好好，唔似咁大難臨頭既樣子。

Lesson learn 1: 做basic planning已經夠(e.g. 知道幾點有車)，其他搭唔搭到呢D嘢個天話事。所有事唔駛咁緊張擔心。

Lesson learn 2: 做多D好事念多D佛

Book Excerpt 5

How Psychology Works - DK Publisher

The neurotransmitter endorphins have an inhibitory effect on transmission of pain signals; they are associated with pain relief and feelings of pleasure.

Serotonin has an inhibitory effect and linked to mood enhancement and calmness.

Each emotion is activated by a specific pattern of brain activity. Hatred for example, stimulates the amygdala and areas of the brain associated with disgust, rejection, action, and calculation. Amygdala is linked to all negative emotions. Positive emotion works by reducing activity in the amygdala and those cortical regions linked to anxiety.

FH notes: Positive emotion is associated with reduction of brain activity / calmness, not pleasant experiences / stimuli.

The psychology of relationships

Childhood attachment	Adulthood attachment
Secure - Caregiver is sensitive to child's needs, responding quickly and regularly.	Secure - confident, loving yet independent
Ambivalent - Caregiver behaviour is inconsistent	Anxious-preoccupied - Fear of rejection, clingy, demanding and obsessive. Driven by emotional hunger rather than love and trust.
Avoidant - Caregiver is distant and unresponsive	Dimissive-avoidant - Appears independent but is an illusion
Disorganized - Abusive or passive / frightened caregiver	Fearful-avoidant -Emotionally unpredictable. May end up in abusive relationship. Torn between seeking comfort in their partner and getting hurt.

Partner A	Partner B	Romantic Attachment
Anxious-preoccupied	Anxious-preoccupied	May have passionate relationship but may also be extreme highs and lows that ultimately pull the couple apart
Anxious-preoccupied	Dismissive-avoidant	Diffcult pairing reinforces the couple's self-images
Anxious-preoccupied	Secure	Secure partner can help anxious one become less, claim their partner's anxiety and meet their needs
Dismissive-avoidant	Dismissive-avoidant	Rarely results in a long term relationship since neither can commit. Though desire to connect with someone, another avoidant is unlikely to bridge the gap
Dismissive-avoidant	Secure	Potentially strong coupling. Secure person can give avoidant more space, in turn encourages the avoidant to relax, enjoy and learn to be intimate
Secure	Secure	Perfect match - easy to share intimacy and communicate needs and concerns

65% of divorces stem from communication problems.

The Four Housemen of the Apocalypse

Stage 1: Criticism - verbally attacking a partner's character rather than tackling the annoying behaviour. This can make the other person feel negatively about themselves

Instead express feelings rather than attacking their personal qualities.

Stage 2: Defensiveness - Reacting negatively to criticism by making excuses and blaming the other person

Instead be prepared to apologize for your own behaviour and take responsibility. Listen to dissatisfaction without taking it personally

Stage 3: Contempt - Being rude and showing open disrepect through facial expressions such as rolling the eyes.

Instead focus on partner's positive attributes instead of keeping score of their faults

Stage 4: Stonewalling - Withdrawing by cutting off physical and emotional contact with partner, who feels abandoned and rejected.

Instead let partner know when you need time to yourself to think and resume conversation when you are ready.

Psychology in politics

What the human being is best at doing is interpreting all new information so that their prior conclusions remain intact - Warren Buffett

Attribution theory:

- Fundamental attribution error: People attribute their own behaviour as arising from their situation or circumstances, whereas they attribute others' behaviour to their disposition or character traits

- Representativeness heuristic: Judge other people based on how similar they are to the stereotype of a particular kind of person

- Availability heuristic: People estimate the likelihood of something happening based on their own recent experience (top-of-mind) rather than statistical likelihoods

Schema theory:

- Pre-existing categories, labels, or stereotypes to assimilate new information, rather than treating each new piece of information independently

The Biology of Kindness - Immaculate de Vivo & Daniel Lumera

Imagining the best version of yourself for 5 min a day can boost optimism levels

When one becomes happy, people in 3 degree of separation also become happier

Tools such as meditation, music and nature can help you become healthier and more kind